Tuesday, June 15, 2010
caves??
Why do guys feel the need to assume that the only room in a house that is "theirs" is the basement and it is their man cave? My fiance and I were talking about finally looking at places and he said he has two requirements and one is a basement so he can have his man cave. I can have the whole rest of the house since that is how it "is supposed to be" but he wants his man cave. Well why cant he have the rest of the house and I have my woman cave?? Why can't I decorate it the way I want and he decorate the kitchen? (I am being sterotypical here yes) We both know I don't cook and could care less about it and would rather watch sports. He seriously has it all mapped out in his head on things he wants down there and how he could lay it out depending on the place we would get. Is this normal? I mean yes we all envision buying places. I bought my first place 5 years ago so I guess I lack in that excitement part but I am excited for buying my first place with him. (not having to sell mine first!) Would it be wrong to throw it in his face that he should have to decorate the house and not me? Why did that automatically become my responsibility? Not that I mind all that much, but isnt this supposed to be done as a team? Do I get to hit him REALLY hard if he says my cave is the kitchen? (I dont think he is that dumb....but.....) LOL.
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Response to Paulette
ReplyDeleteI am commenting on this because it reminds me of my fiances prior situation. Before he landed his current job, he interviewed at another place. They told him to his face (which I later found out they should not have done) that he was the pefect candidate and they would love to offer him the job, however they had to see if any minorites applied. He was floored by this. I was too. Whatever happened to the most qualified person gets the position. He later came to find out they hired someone less educated and qualified to meet a "quota" and they didnt last long and they lost the right candidate. Good for him that he landed a better position elsewhere, but it still stung. In a lot of places, most people will read resumes with names covered (like you) to avoid sterotypes. I know when I created my resume I made it very gender neutral and made sure it was hitting on the strengths to make sure all biases were not being shown. If a place wants to consider me, I want it to be for me, not because of an alterior motive.
This is such an antiquated notion; I think it’s ridiculous too! As much as I hate to say it, I’m guessing this goes back to the theory of women wanting to nest. I hate the term because it sounds as though we’re reducing our behavior to that of animals. I know the “nesting instinct” is usually associated with pregnancy, but I feel somehow the concept has become entangled and metamorphosis into the idea that women decorate the home. It seems understood that we are to make a comfortable space for the family to live and thrive. Added to this the very 1950’s, June Cleaver-esque image of the ideal wife and mother creating the ideal space for family. Plus the even more antiquated idea that women make things “pretty.” I think the man cave has emerged as the space where men feel they can retain their masculinity. I’m not sure the origin of the “cave” aspect unless it’s reference to cavemen who use to be in control of their living space back in times of the Neanderthals! Nor do I understand why the entire home can’t be a true collaboration between partners. I guess we all need our own personal space, but the degree to which many men need to designate theirs and define it as “masculine” through their overly masculine design and decoration seems silly. Check out this website: http://www.mancavesite.org/ with everything for your man cave! Notice “Chugg” the logo of a caveman! Have we not progressed in thousands of years? Sheesh.
ReplyDeleteThis is response to Linny
ReplyDeleteI to have my own “man” cave. It gives me a sense of ownership and allows me to get away from everything else. When my wife and I were looking for our home two years ago, I pretty much said the same thing to her however; I threw in the garage as another room that I wanted to have and decorate the way I wanted to which she had no objections. Of course, these are the only two rooms in the house that men can decorate any which way and not mess it up (LOL). I think your fiancé would not have a problem decorating the whole house if you allowed him to have the basement and design it the way he wanted (be careful of letting him decorate the rest of the house). As men, we feel the need to have something (basement) to call our own regardless of whom lives in the house. By having a room like the basement, gives a sense of entitlement and allows us to make certain decisions without any interference. Maybe there could be an even trade off somewhere, you might be able to get a couple of home cooked meals each week (it might be a good trade)…. Who knows!
OL1 - Wk 5 Response to Lindsey
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is going through the same thing you are and she is also just as frustrated. I try to be understanding and offer words of wisdom (lol) since my husband and I’ve been married 32 years but honestly I think that it doesn’t really have to be an issue unless you two make it one. There are ways of making the cave a room that both of you can enjoy and as far as the rest of the house goes you may be surprised that he may really care what furnishings you purchase but he is just afraid to let the decorator in him out. We are all products of our upbringing but it doesn’t mean that we can’t change our views and this test that you are experiencing with your boyfriend could be the first step in changing the gender stereotype. Don’t give up.
Im sure I will really enjoy everything he would do in his "man cave" but its just the fact that he proposed it the way he did. We are very similar in all of our tastes so I think it will be very cool regardless. I just think the man cave title is out there. It even has its own tv show!!
ReplyDeleteI completely understand this situation. I have a friend, Matt, who just finished turning his basement into a "man cave." Again, this is definitely a stereotypical notion because many men do actually help, and relentlessly at that, in the decor and style of the house. Trust me, my uncle's house, to the disgust of my aunt, is covered in antlers and hunting-themed do-dads. But really, this notion of the "man cave' goes back to an earlier time when decorating the house was the sole responsibility of the wife, and, therefore, the husband would want at least one room of the house that he could call his own. His wife would allow it, but, of course, it had to be out of the line of sight of any possible guests so it was required to be in the darkest, mustiest room of the house--the basement--and thus, the "man cave" was born. I don't thin it is a very serious situation. If anything could suggest that you both agree on a certain style-scheme for the whole house and then you could both create a "cave" together in the basement--a "man woman cave" if you will, or, better yet, a "moman cave." What do you think?
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