Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Gender Moment 1
As I previously stated I am recently engaged. As recently as 05/14!! I cannot begin to explain how excited I am to embark on all the good things that are going start taking place. We all know a wedding is considered the “bride’s” day. I have already come to realize that I must be marrying the only man in the world (definitely an exaggeration) who wants to be involved in all the details of the wedding. This here is my gender moment. I have had friends and know plenty of people who have had husbands who just want to know where and when to show up and what to wear. I have had friends whose spouses just want to be involved in finding the location and maybe the food or entertainment. I am not saying in any way this is upsetting to me. I know the man I am going to marry and it did not come to a surprise at all. He is a scientist. He has a thought process for EVERYTHING. Because is not an answer, and rhyme and reason is always present. With that being said, the stresses that come along with wedding planning are going to be much greater I think. Women are tagged with the phrase of being bridezilla and that is something I do not want to be. Are there supposed to be guidelines for what a male and female are supposed to do and not do in regards to the planning process. I love the fact that together we are going to plan our day. Yes there are going things that he won’t have a say in say as my dress or bridesmaids dresses but together we are going to plan pretty much everything. I look at this being a partnership and a great way to start our marriage. Since this is not the “norm” is this defying some barrier of gender roles? How would some people interpret him wanting to take such an active role in this?
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Response 1
ReplyDeletehttp://jbleak1207.blogspot.com (Jackie’s blog)
I found this post to be very interesting. My dad sent me a random text the other day asking me if I was going to change my last name to my fiancé’s last name or hyphenate my name. Without hesitation I responded change it. I started to think a lot about that actually. I wanted to think of reasons why I would or why I wouldn’t. The reason you stated in your blog about the radio personality not wanting to change her name due to her fan base, I feel is actually a reasonable answer. Think about high profile doctors, or lawyers, or business people. They work very hard at what they do and to maintain a reputation. They get recognition and become known and establish an identity. I’m not saying getting married is not something to be proud of. However, she in that case, is already proud of herself and her accomplishments and would like to keep that going. Maybe even keep her personal and private life separate. In my situation, I would love to keep my last name. My last name went through a lot. My dad’s parents were survivors of the holocaust and there are not that many of us. My brother is the only one to carry it out. However, in old school traditions where the woman takes the man’s last name I like too. I do think there are other ways to honor the family. For my fiancé and I, we came to a great idea that satisfies us and brings honor to our families at the same time. My last name is Brod. (It will eventually be Smith) His mother’s maiden name is Jackson. We decided that when we have children, we would like to name our boys, Brody and Jackson. We love the names and it honors our families in a different way. Obviously people need to communicate and work out what is best for them. Communication is the foundation of a successful relationship. (good example!!!!)
Response 2 to Taara
ReplyDeleteI can completely relate to your blog. I hate shopping first of all. I think it is a very frustrating experience. I think it is even more frustrating when you are in a situation like the one you experienced. When you are friends with someone, and I mean TRUE friends, you know that you can go out with them and expect to get a 100% whole hearted opinion. You know that you should not get offended by what they say, and you should know that you should not be jealous of them and vice versa. If that is not present in a situation with a friend, then I feel that the situation may need to be evaluated. What underlying issue is there? Does the issue stem from something in regards to you, or something deeper? I am not a psychologist; however we all know that there is more that meets the eye here. Women can be very deceptive. They can say one thing and mean another. Body language (non verbal communication) is very key in this situation. It’s very sweet that your friend is boosting your self esteem but at the same time is she fishing for you to tell her something that may not be true when you would want to be more honest? Women tend to play games with each other and that is why we sometimes get labeled and it carries over into other aspects of our lives. We all know it’s not that easy being a woman in today’s world with the images that are portrayed and you would think it would be easiest to have support of friends, but are they really making it any easier.
Congratulations! I believe that men and women should equally share the planning process for a wedding, marriage is about becoming one. So, I completely agree with you when you say that a marriage is a partnership. This is ultimately one of the bigger challenges that future spouses can do together. Most want to break the stereotype of gender roles. Even though wedding programs on television may not always be the best example; some do show the couple working together on everything; from the cake, the location, the table settings, the center pieces, the colors, etc. And there is absolutely nothing with wanting to do so. I would not go as far as to say a man should be there helping his future bride seek out her perfect dress (as you already stated), but I know of some people who want each other to be involved with every single detail. A wedding is not about the people on the outside, they are only there to share the moment. The days prior, the day of, and the days after are about the future husband and wife, and want the two want, even if planning everything together does “defy” a barrier of gender roles that society deems acceptable. There are always going to be those few people who do not agree with planning everything together, some may even say it could hurt the relationship because of disagreements that may occur, but prove them wrong. There is no right or wrong way to plan a wedding.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the wedding! I am excited for you! I love weddings lol. You can't go wrong in planning your special day. I think its nice that he wants to help you plan the wedding. Weddings can be very hectic but in the end its all worth it. Once he sees you walking down that aisle in your beautiful dress he would have forgotten anything unpleasant. Trust me on that! Planning the wedding together will make it more memorable for the both of you.
ReplyDeleteThanks guys!! Its nice to hear that people dont think its crazy that a guy wants to help!!
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